If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
