why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
