There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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