He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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