you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
