I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
