Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
