One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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