HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
