i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am one with the molecules
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
