Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
