I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
