I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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