Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
