my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
