i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
false alarm. still invincible.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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