I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
