I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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