nut hugger
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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