Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

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(415): View more from California

oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob

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(480): View more from Arizona

i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone

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(816): View more from Missouri

so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?

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(817): View more from Texas

...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"

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