You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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