I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
