dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
