he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize