This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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