I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
