What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
