You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
