I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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