So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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