about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
