I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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