Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
