Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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