This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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