Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
