Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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