the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
