Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
