5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
