you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
