She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
