I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I had to cum in my sink.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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