So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
