so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
