is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
4 words: hood of his car
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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