when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
