She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
