I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
