i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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