I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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