Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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