Porn is love you can see.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
