God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
