I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
