He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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