is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
