I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
