I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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