you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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