At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
