at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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