I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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