Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize